Have You Done Your Values Work?
Values are our guiding light. That which we can hold tight to to make tough decisions, and that which just flows naturally from us as we engage with the world around us on autopilot.
One of the most common roots of procrastination and stuck is a misalignment of values.
Now, before you beat yourself up about not knowing your values (none of that negative self talk here, folks!), it’s important to also understand that our values will change over the course of our lives.
And wouldn’t you know it, it’s often during the big life events and changes, or just through good old experience, that our values shift.
So sometimes we get stuck and feel icky inside even when we’re doing what’s right for us now, because the what was right for us then is our default autopilot comparison.
So those of you feeling fancy about knowing your values - ask yourself the last time you really assessed yourself and how you behave.
In fact, why don’t we all do it together now?
What are Your Values?
For Steps 1-4 below, identify examples from your career and personal life for balance of perspective. You may have to go back to childhood for some instances, and that’s okay. I would also add, happiest doesn’t mean ecstatic, it’s just the best you’ve felt, relative to you. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy, folks!
Step 1: times when you were happiest
What were you doing?
Were you with other people? Who?
What other factors contributed to your happiness?
Step 2: times when you were most proud (achievement)
Why were you proud?
Did other people share your pride? Who?
What other factors contributed to your feelings of pride?
Step 3: times when you were most fulfilled and satisfied (meaning)
What need or desire was fulfilled?
How and why did the experience give your life meaning?
What other factors contributed to your feelings of fulfillment?
Step 4: times you were most frustrated or critical
What need or desire was not being met?
How and why did the experience rock you so hard?
What other factors contributed to your feelings of frustration?
Step 5: Determine your top values, based on your experiences of happiness, pride, fulfillment and frustration.
Why is each experience truly important and memorable? What is your takeaway about what matters to you above all else?
You could Google a values list to help you get started in the word brainstorm - but try not to get drawn into picking off a list. Accountability, Authenticity, Compassion, Faith, Family, Freedom, Self-Care, Ingenuity, Justice, Service, Teamwork, Usefulness, Vision...there...your brain is going...you’re welcome.
Step 6: Narrow to a prioritized top 5 list - as one day you’ll have to make a decision where you have to choose between solutions that satisfy different values, or put your own values at odds. The goal is to live a “yes and” life so all values are being honored, in the moment and bigger picture.
Step 7: Double-check your values and make sure that they still fit with your life and your vision for yourself.
Do these values make you feel good about yourself?
Are you proud of your top three values?
Would you be comfortable and proud to tell your values to people you respect and admire?
Do these values represent things you would support, even if your choice isn't popular, and it puts you in the minority?
Step 8: Bring your values to life through:
Specific keystone behaviors - such as, if you value respect or mindfulness, you might have a cellphone basket in the middle of the dinner table for everyone to place their device in so all focus can be those in the room.
All actions you take - if you value family and health and have prioritized family first, you leave the office at 5 to be focused on your family, and have a scheduled time the next morning or after they’ve gone to bed to work out. If you value respect, how do you show respect to yourself? To your environment??
Prioritization of your activities, and if you value family and health and have prioritized family first, you leave the office at 5 to be focused on your family, and have a scheduled time the next morning or after they’ve gone to bed to work out. YES AND.
Decision making - If you value loyalty and health and your are staying at a toxic work environment for your peers, take a step back and ask if you are being loyal to yourself. YES AND.
Get out of ick and back into alignment - Recognizing why you feel icky when you do (a value is at conflict - name it!) and then acting with your strengths towards your values despite the ick.
Well, what did you discover?
When you consider your values not just in decision making but in everyday action, you can be sure to not only keep your sense of integrity and what you know is right, but also approach situations with confidence and clarity.
You'll also know that what you're doing is best for your current and future happiness and satisfaction.
And take it from me - living with calm confidence, genuine fulfillment and value-led boundaries WITHOUT TRYING feels AWESOME!
It takes work to get there, and the journey isn’t over night, but with dedication, support and a bit of creativity - I know you can get there, too.
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